Students express anger over closure of anonymous crushes app

YIK YAK, one of St Andrews students’ favourite passive-aggressive networks, announced they are “winding down” their app in response to the horrible news that the developers have grown up and want to move on.

YIKKIE KI-AYE: App finally says goodbye…

YIKKIE KI-AYE: App finally says goodbye…

The app’s main gimmick is hosting anonymous posts for university students in the same geographical area, the unfortunate consequence being that both Dundee and St Andrews are in the same bucket. Amid the frequent battles of ‘wit’ that occur between these two universities, which in comparison make my five-year-old cousin look like a comedic genius, is a community floating with vague, inconsequential crushes and drunk shitposting.

A local relationship expert, (i.e. they actually have a partner), gave their two cents on the community: “This behaviour makes absolutely no sense. Do they think by posting these love messages on Yik Yak that their crush is even going to see it, let alone realise it’s about them? Just tell them how you feel, for god’s sake!”

Users flocked here to vent their wishes and concerns, knowing that their messages, or “Yaks”, can never be traced back to them and will eventually vanish after time. This was the selling point for many students, as their intoxicated activities can be forgotten with no chance of resurfacing, unlike those drunk texts they sent to their ex. Needless to say, we are all very much looking forward to the inevitable data leak that Sod’s law states must happen.

The news also affects the more sophisticated circles of the Bubble: the dodgy community of students who made the conscious decision that an anonymous app is the best place to look for a one night stand. As one disgruntled user put it: “I just don’t know what I am going to do! This was the only place for me to look for hook ups without having to show my face, now I’m going to have to resign to Tinder!” Local sympathy groups are considering holding a candlelight vigil for those students who may never have sex again as a result of this loss.

                                                                                   QUALITY: Only the best posts make the frontpage…

                                                                                   QUALITY: Only the best posts make the frontpage…

With the loss of the beloved local networking site, moderators of the town’s various anonymous Facebook pages prepare for the Yakkers to come to them. Statisticians expect a 28% rise in the number of submissions to St Feuddrews and St Andrew’s crushes, described as an ‘overwhelming increase’ by one moderator, because it sounds more urgent.

Whilst the world is gripped by political upheaval and strife across the continents, students everywhere prepare for the unhappy users of an insignificant app to relentlessly complain about how they can no longer rant anonymously about the person having a coughing fit in the library.

 

Article written by Josh Stevens