10 St Andrews Traditions You Must Observe
Freshers will no doubt be aware that student life in St Andrews is filled with exciting events and traditions that make our time here unique. Here’s just a few highlights of the year that you can’t afford to miss out on! And we mean that. In accordance with the university charter you will actually be forcibly ejected from your graduation if you fail to attend all of the following:
Raisin Weekend – Our beloved annual ritual sacrifice of freshers’ dignity to appease the vengeful ghost of Saint Andrew. This is your chance to put your trust in people in a position of relative power who are all too happy to watch you teeter on the brink of total self-destruction while they laugh from afar. It’s really good practice for participating in your country’s democratic processes!
Raisin Monday – Wake up in pain in a bed filled with your own vomit and regret before dragging yourself out the door and into a world you’re not sure you can face today. Just like last time you participated in your country’s democratic processes!
The May Dip – Remember when your Mum asked “if your friends all jumped off a pier, would you do it too?”. Take this opportunity to find out that the answer is “Yes, Mother, jeez. Also when are you sending more money?”
The May Ball – Just £70 buys you the chance to dress up and hope you get your picture in The Saint or The Tab!
The Pay Ball – This isn’t actually a ball, it’s just a day where you can dress up and pay to get your picture in The Saint or The Tab.
The Market Street Flat 32a Ball – Started by a group of flatmates who didn’t like missing out on getting free tickets to residence balls just because they’re trying to live an absurd parody of adult life, tickets to this event are extremely limited. Five non-residents’ tickets are open to a few lucky outsiders who can afford the £4000 ticket price required to help a flat of three people to fund an exclusive full-scale residence ball at a nearby hotel or barn. While the price is steep, the fact you can actually get near the bar definitely makes this one worth attending!
The Feast of Saint Pablo – In tribute to the patron saint of poor decisions, students imbibe the finest of sapphire liquors in order to experience a state of collective euphoria and harmony.
The Fast of Saint Pablo – The morning after the feast, students offer reverent prayers and oaths of abstinence, for example: “Dear Lord, please let me survive this, I swear I will never touch alcohol again”.
The Housing Games – every year the vengeful ghost of Saint Andrew watches from St Rule’s Tower in amusement as the town becomes a dystopian bloodbath wherein one lucky champion for each would-be flatshare is thrown into mortal combat for a dwindling number of affordable properties. Last year’s fears that this beloved tradition would come to an end were thankfully short-lived as the growing insurgency led by plucky second year Katnip Aberdeen was mercifully quelled by a crack team of aggressive estate agents specially flown in from the only housing market more brutal than our own; London.
My Birthday – It’s on Tuesday and nobody’s accepted the Facebook invite yet, so it’d be really great if anyone reading this can just show up for a bit, please. Thanks in advance.