Student’s Year Ruined By Slightly Longer Walk To Lectures

Everett Douncy, an IR student taking ‘EN2001: Medieval and Renaissance Texts’ as an external module, was left distraught and grieving this term by the news that his lectures will be held in the Purdie Building, also known as ‘that Chemistry Place’.

walk.jpg

Despite English being very clearly an arts subject, and therefore highly deserving of a luxurious existence in either Sallies Quad or the Buchanan, the powers-that-timetable insisted on the exile. After just two journeys to the desolate emptiness of the North Haugh, Douncy was already considering desperate measures. “I’m very sensitive to aesthetic,” he told us, pushing up his round, artfully tortoiseshell glasses, as he described the near 12 minute forced march to the Purdie Building. “It takes me an extra two minutes on top of the 12, as I need to stop at the arch on South Street to absorb as much ancient culture as I can before the hike”. “It’s ridiculous,” agreed fellow creative, Sofia Berm. “How am I meant to imagine literature faced with such unnecessary Brutalism?”

Even lecturers have found the change hard to bear. Some have gone so far as to reschedule lectures to begin at 4.50pm, rather than 4.05pm, to give those with tutorials on the Scores adequate time to prepare for, make, and recover from the journey. Additionally, PhD students have been stationed by the roadside to conduct catch-up lectures for those students who are unable or unwilling to make it past the bus station. Even these emergency measures were not enough for Douncy, however, who just glanced woefully at his Chaucer. “I came here to study pilgrimages, not make them” he said, gazing wistfully across the concrete nightmare of the Haugh to the untamed expanse of the Old Course. “When I’m in Sallies, I can still sort of pretend I’m at Oxford. But here, it just feels like Loughborough.”

At the time of going to press, Salvator can confirm that Douncy has met with his advisor to enquire about switching to ‘Great Ideas 1’.

Written by Emma Sibbald