STUDENTS REJOICE AT DERVISH REOPENING
The Auld Gray Toun breathed a collective sigh of relief as Dervish has reopened. During the winter break St Andrews best loved kebab and cheesy chip stop had been closed to the public, with rumours circulating that the establishment would be permanently shut. Before the grand reopening, many lecture theatres sat empty across St Andrews as students elected to extend their holiday, in congruence with the hiatus of the popular local eatery. The Turkish restaurant, best known for both its cheesy chips with curry sauce - as well as its extensive tolerance of the late night crowd of absolutely sloshed undergraduates - remained closed during refreshers week, much to the dismay of its loyal patrons. Although many were able to delay their return to University, several unfortunate students remained unaware, only to find out upon their arrival that their favorite takeaway had left them high and dry.
For the daring few who did decide to venture out of their flat in search of a good time, the likelihood of a killer hangover more than tripled, leaving them completely useless to the world for the following day. During the temporary closure, some students the Salvator spoke to lamented the “Dervish shaped void” in their life. There has reportedly been a 98% drop in the number of students waking up with cheese substitute and mystery Dervish special sauce on their faces. Whilst Dervish was closed, many of these ill-fated partiers had no choice but to flock to Tesco the following morning, in desperate pursuit of paracetamol, 2 for 1 pastries, and a Gatorade.
One particularly distraught third year organized a candle light vigil ‘in memoriam of all the potential lost kebabs’ outside of the dark Dervish store front. Police officers who were present at the scene to control the crowds, tried to disperse students by suggesting the alternative of trekking across the street to Courtyard Café. This move only served to further escalate the situation, leading to several of the bereaved becoming violent, and subsequently being detained by police.
The Salvator had the exclusive opportunity to interview the somber coordinator of Wednesday’s vigil, who requested to remain anonymous in light of recent events.
“I’ve been back for over a week and I haven't even pulled once” his voice heavy with regret.
“It absolutely tears me apart thinking of all the 2000s throwback tunes in The Union which fell upon deaf ears this refreshers week; It’s an awful travesty. Honestly, I haven't even had a Pablo since December. I can’t risk going out, getting wasted, then not being able to console my single self in a cheese laden Dervish pizza. What’s even the point anymore?”
“Some of them sought Dervish alternatives, but I’m a purist. My night out is devastatingly incomplete without a proper donor kebab. I find it horrifically insensitive that some would simply suggest another takeaway, as though there could possibly be a true substitute. Like my flatmate just went to Empire instead. What was he thinking, the absolute snake. Now I know how Kanye felt when Taylor betrayed him.”
Since this development, the Salvator are delighted to report that Dervish has since reopened its doors, yet again welcoming everyone from the absolutely pissed freshers stumbling over from a night at out at The VIC, to those few elderly people occasionally witnessed sitting in for lunch – naïve fools. The influx of students who had delayed their return on behalf on the Dervish, led to crowds forming on Bell Street. Students everywhere from Sallies to the Badlands were relieved to finally be reunited with their beloved curry sauce. Viva la Dervish!