6 Problems That Everyone Eventually Has With Their Flatmate John


1.      John hasn’t done the dishes

It’s happened to all of us at some point. You come into the flat after a long day, ready to eat another portion of that moussaka you made a few days ago, when you realise that there are no clean plates. Why? Because your flatmate John hasn’t done the dishes. “John!” you shout, “my flatmate John!”, but your flatmate John has already started his nightly game of hide and seek. Typical.

2.      John’s nightly game of hide and seek becomes irritating

We all know that your flatmate John’s nightly game of hide and seek can be a great deal of fun. But we also know that sometimes it gets out of hand and there’s always that one night where your flatmate John has gotten himself stuck in the washing machine and can’t get out. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WASH OUR LARGE COLLECTION OF NORDIC STYLE JUMPERS, JOHN?

3.      John keeps inviting his aunt round

Look, we all love to meet our flatmates’ aunts. And, of course, meeting an aunt is an important step in any flatmate relationship. However, some people just take it too far, and by people we mean John.  We all like Aunt Abigail, but enough is enough, am I right?

4.      John keeps calling you Porkpie

It’s cute at first, but your flatmate John calling you Porkpie eventually becomes annoying. Especially because it reminds you of your time as an anxious and slightly chubby child being teased in school for wearing that Porkpie hat you got for Christmas. Of course, your flatmate John doesn’t know that, but it still isn’t nice.

5.      John throws a party for himself in the hall of mirrors

Everybody loves a party, but sometimes your flatmate who is called John just takes things too far.  Everyone knows that the hall of mirrors in every student flat isn’t for parties, it’s for quiet self-contemplation. Or occasionally a gunfight where you and your opponent are both surrounded by reflections of each other and it seems like you know where the other guy is but you shoot the mirror accidentally giving him the upper hand. Too real?

6.      John copies the plan from the movie “Speed”

Sound familiar? Your flatmate who is called John has put a bomb in a bus and connected the detonator to the speedometer. Now the passengers are forced to confront their own mortality while also making sure that the bus never slows down. While it may sound like a fun way to spend 90 minutes, it’s actually really dangerous and probably violates the terms of your contract with the letting agency.

We won’t be living with you next year, John!


Article written by Joe Irvine