5 Reasons NOT To Make A Move On Your Sexy Older Lecturer

We know what university students are like when it comes to getting randy. Am I right, fellow students that are my age? And sure, pursuing those kinds of special friendships can be healthy if everyone’s up for it, but there’s just some people you should leave alone, like your 50-year old geology lecturer who may or may not be sexy. Here are 5 reasons why you should stop making his life a living hell:

A handsome and married professor.

A handsome and married professor.

It’s getting in the way of your studies

We all know how distracting it is to be sat in a lecture gazing thoughtfully and longingly into your lecturer’s eyes whilst he gets visibly uncomfortable, sweating profusely and wondering aloud whether he could just make this an online module. Not only that, but geology is an important subject, the importance of which should not go unnoticed. Do you think you can just come to the lectures and not pay attention to anything your older lecturer, who may or may not be sexy but nevertheless isn’t looking for a fling, is saying and just pass the exam?

Academic favouritism is a sackable offence

Even if you say that you’re not just pursuing your charming but let’s-be-honest-clearly-wearing-a-wedding-ring lecturer to get a stronger 2:2, no one actually believes you. And if the university disciplinary committee finds out about this, he’ll be fired, and then he might be replaced by someone like Dr. Philip C. Glutenscheimer, arguably one of the least professional and knowledgeable lecturers in the field of geology.

He definitely isn’t interested

I just don’t know why you would think an older lecturer, no matter how sexy or intelligent he may be, would be more interested in a student than, for example, his wife Nancy. You don’t have any of the qualities that she has: not a student, a firm but tender lover, excellent gardener, etc. The bar’s not exactly low, okay?

Seminars will be pretty awkward

Sure, you might think that seminars are the perfect time to get some one-on-one time with your lecturer, but it actually just makes it awkward for the other students in that seminar. Surely you can see that. I mean, surely. Like the other day when you pretended to drop your pen near him so he would have to bend down and pick it up, but actually you were on the other side of the room to him, so what happened was you literally threw the pen across the room. You just threw it. That was so obvious, and everyone knew, okay? Everyone knew, and everyone felt embarrassed.

People will talk

I know that’s what everyone says when they find themselves embroiled in a student-teacher affair, but it’s true. “There goes Dr. Anderson,” they’ll say, “remember when he and that student fucked, or whatever?” And people will go, “yeah, I remember”. “What was that student’s name, again?” one of the two students will continue. “Janet,” the other student will say. “Janet? Are you sure her name was Janet?” “Her name was definitely Janet.” “Wow, that’s not at all a typical name for a student in this day and age,” one of the students will say, in disbelief. “I completely understand why you might say that, other student,” the first student will say, “but her name was definitely Janet, and she fucked that teacher, Dr. HAROLD ANDERSON.” And then together, they’ll go, “Wow.” In weird synchronisation, they’ll say, “That guy has a wife and kids, Janet.”

Written by Marold Schmanderson