Real Students talk about how much they want a McDonalds in St Andrews

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Colin (1st Year, Not Sure)

Why do you want a McDonalds in St Andrews?

It is my lifelong dream to have sex with the clown man whose name is Ronald.

Why?

Look at him, he’s so happy.

What would your first order be?

Grease the clown. I am ready.

 

Ben (3rd Year, Geography)

Why do you want a McDonalds in St Andrews?

For the salt.

Where should it be?

In front of my mouth, for shovelling, thank you very much!

What would your first order be?

A fistful of fries and a single chicken nug.

 

Mary-Elizabeth (2nd Year, Medicine)

Why do you want a McDonalds in St Andrews?

Something’s got to go in my jugs, may as well be burgers.

How many jugs do you have?

Several.

What would your first order be?

I’ll just say, “fill my jugs!” and see what happens.

 

Fiona (3rd Year, Bio-physics)

Why do you want a McDonalds in St Andrews?

I want to be huge.

How huge?

If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.

So, like, big?

Large.

Enormous?

Yes.

Is that safe?

For me.

Where do you want a McDonalds?

Don’t care. Supersize me.

 

Article written by Joe Irvine