Oxford Reject Shocked to Learn Owning Range Rover Doesn’t Make Up for Lack of Personality

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A St Andrews fresher has publicly spoken out about the difficulties a man such as himself face trying to meet women on a night out. Esmond Chadwick, a former student of Rugby Sixth Form and current resident in Agnes Blackadder, posted a facebook status at 11:23pm last Friday, which read as follows.

“Hahaha girl @ beacon doesn’t want to come home with me even after I showed her the range rover keys, your loss babe. I offered to buy you at least three cocktails but you head off with your “Boyfriend” haha your loss”

The status caused a fair amount of backlash, with Esmond being branded “a misogynist” and “a massive cunt lol”. Esmond removed the status the next day, and posted another one apologising.

“It’s just a bit of harmless banter,” he wrote, “sorry to anyone who couldn’t take the  joke.”

Salvator News reached out to Esmond for a statement, and he suggested I met him for a glass of scotch.

“It just shows how this country is going to the dogs,” he told us.

“I ask a girl if she wants to come back to mine and open a bottle of Grey Goose, and I’d expect her her to say yes, I don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation.”

He went on to tell us that there’s a severe lack of “Hotties” attending St Andrews.

“I’d made it my goal to sleep with a girl from every hall of residence, but I’m not going anywhere near the girls from Fife Park, although I’m still planning on going for one of the MacIntosh ones. I bet those working class girls are filthy!”

He then proceeded to hit me on the shoulder, which made me very uncomfortable, so I left.