Opening Ball 2018: An Affair to Remember!

The Kate Kennedy Club once again hosted its annual Opening Ball on Lower College Lawn this upcoming weekend on October 6th. Students made their way to the venue for an evening of champagne, music, dance, and one too many Americans wearing tartan pants made in Taiwan and bought on eBay. Despite the event being sold out, only 100 freshers actually showed up, as most of them desperately tried to resell their tickets on Facebook in the hours before the event, failed, then just didn’t go anyway, opting instead for another night of drinking games in their friends’ academic cousin’s flat at DRA. One first year Biology student walked all the way to Albany Park to sell theirs for “3 oz. of Morrisons vegetables and some Lemsip. I wasn’t sick before, but the walk back to Sallies sealed the deal, so the Lemsip turned out to be pretty useful.”

Hall lanyards clinking beneath their tuxedos, this intrepid group entered the venue, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to experience the side of St Andrews seen in oh-so-many Facebook cover photos. There was probably food, maybe even drinks, and most likely your friend Alister had one too many Pimm’s and climbed onto the tent to proclaim “WE VOTED LEAVE!” We’re even sure that at some point, in some place, some third year exchange student from Ohio State emptied the contents of his stomach onto the dress of the unsuspecting fresher who agreed to go with him.

We can guarantee with an almost flawless degree of certainty that the music played was rated by attendees as ‘average’ - not more, not less. Definitely better than last week’s Brit Bop, but nowhere near what the Kate Kennedy Club had advertised. After that, though, things start to get a little fuzzy. Was that your Social Anthropology professor you saw, breakdancing to the Spice Girls? Maybe. Could that have been the library IT services guy trying to connect the hors d'oeuvres to Eduroam? Who knows? Did you really see the ghost of your forty (40) pounds, cackling as it flew into someone else's bank account, to be used for purchase of Society jackets donned with “OPENING BALL 2019” spotted on next year’s Committee as they try to rip yet another exorbitant sum of money (NOTE: Salvator investigations predict the price to rise to fifty (50) pounds following Britain’s exit from the Eurozone and maybe even seventy (70) in a no-deal scenario (“WE VOTED LEAVE!”)) from another pack of freshers outside the Student’s Union in September 2019? Perhaps! To be honest, we got a little carried away and now we can’t remember what we were saying...  

In any case, this all definitely happened at this year’s Opening Ball, and we were totally present to witness the event.

Written by Sara Weissel & Martin Caforio