“Nobody Better Mess with Attenborough” says Britain

In an open letter to God, the entire population of Great Britain has come together to say that He’d better not touch David Attenborough.


Following the recent death of Stephen Hawking and God’s recent proposal to (spoiler alert) “off the Queen” some time this July, British people are becoming increasingly concerned that their national icons may be dwindling. As a result, a petition has been launched to God in order to preserve the one living person that the nation cannot afford to lose: Sir David Attenborough. Attached to the petition was an open letter, in which all citizens have promised that He’ll “regret it if we have to go up there”.

“He may be the almighty, omnipotent creator of all mankind, but I’ll be damned if He comes for Attenborough” said Mark White, one of the petition’s originators. “I like God and all, He’s done some good work, but could He have done Blue Planet? The show I mean, not the actual planet. In fairness to God, He did do that.”

God has yet to respond to the petition, but with over 16 million signatures, he may soon be forced to do so.

More on this story as it develops.


Article written by Tom Caruth