Breaking News: Christmas Cancelled After Santa Dies In Tragic Case Of 2016
Lapland elves have just released a statement confirming the death of Kris Kringle, AKA the one and only Santa Claus. According to reports, Mr. Kringle had been battling a severe case of “2016” for the last 11 months and passed away peacefully surrounded by his family. Santa’s elves have said that due to their employer’s untimely death, Christmas 2016 will sadly have to be cancelled out of respect.
“We were holding out hope,” lamented Head-Elf Alabaster Evergreen in the official statement, “all he had to do was hold out for another 23 days and the doctors said he would have been cured.”
The news has sent shockwaves amongst Mr. Kringle’s large fanbase, who are understandably deeply shocked by this sudden loss. Tributes have been flooding in and it is reported shopping centre Santas from across the globe are flying their caps at half mast today in solidarity.
Mr Roger Peppermint, an assembly line employee with over 50 years of experience, expressed huge shock at the announcement. He said “It’s just unbelievable, the man was 1,600 years old! You would have thought that a mythological figure would have been outside the scope of death this year, but I guess not. Myself and the rest of the elves are devastated needless to say. Losing Bowie was one thing, but this is honestly just insane. As for Christmas 2017 the future is very uncertain. Who knows what will happen, or if there'll ever be Christmas again!”
Following the news of Santa’s death, the government is taking precautionary measures and has rushed numerous national treasures and mythological creatures, including Mary Berry, the Easter Bunny and the Loch Ness Monster, to the Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Norway. It is a highly remote and secure facility, where they hope to live out the rest of 2016 in peace.
R.I.P Mr Claus, forever in our hearts. Love from the Salvator x x