In an unusual but altogether unsurprising executive decision, HBO have announced that they have chosen to replace George R.R. Martin as the writer of the highly popular ‘Earth’ series. Martin was criticised for killing off several highly popular characters, exalting one of the series' most notorious villains to an extremely powerful position, and cruelly throwing the internal politics of the fictional world into complete wanton disarray. Having been accused by several eminent critics of “getting high on his own image” as someone who is content in killing off beloved characters for shock value, it was announced today that Martin was to be replaced by ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ writer, Joss Whedon
The current 2016 season of ‘Earth’ has amassed much criticism over the past twelve months. On various social media platforms watchers have bemoaned the unanticipated dark nature of the current 2016 series. Many former fans have taken to Twitter and complained the series has been “fucking shit” and “sucks Trump’s balls” – in light of this, perhaps it is fairly unsurprising HBO saw a time for change.
Self proclaimed ‘Earth’ super fan, Gerald Phillips, said: “I’ve been watching the series for years, ever since 1969, my favourite was the moon-landing story arc. It was fantastic! Then George R.R. Martin took over and everything’s gone to shit! I’m so glad this 2016 series is nearly over. Bowie was bad enough but then he had to kill off Prince and Alan Rickman, didn’t he? They were key characters!! I have no idea in which direction this plot is developing, the writing has become so unpredictable. If he lays a finger on Attenborough I’m fucking boycotting next season.”
Film and TV analyst, Martina White, has said that her opinion is that Martin is building up to a big finale: “I mean, given what we’ve seen so far, the tension, the unending drama - I’m expecting something big. It’s not going to be apocalyptic, they’ve already been recommissioned for another three seasons, but I’m thinking maybe something trippy to do with space? Kinda like Hellraiser 4? I’m sure it’ll be resolved – just hold your breath!”
Whedon has promised the introduction of new and more likeable characters to enter the forefront of the storyline, as well as “fewer dark overtones” in the upcoming 2017 series. Rumours have been circulated that Whedon has approached Sir David Attenborough for his potential involvement with the project. Whedon has expressed admiration of Sir Attenborough before. Following the release of Frozen Planet, during a red carpet interview Whedon said “I am huge fan of Sir David, you know, he just has such gravitas and warmth, not to forget those dulcet tones. He’s the personification of putting on warm pyjamas straight from the tumble dryer, like the feeling of coming home” – the Salvator is inclined to agree, and believe we speak for the whole of mankind when we say, we all just need a bit of Attenborough in our lives to get us through this. Hopefully enlisting Attenborough’s talents will regain impressive viewing numbers, as well reaching out to a potential new audience in the zoological community.
Until now there has been no official response from George R.R. Martin’s representatives. Whedon expressed that he hoped the move would not damage any professional relationship with Martin, stating “I love George, his work is the epitome of tour-de-force writing, but it just got a bit much. I hope he feels no malice towards myself or HBO. The decision was reached because everyone agreed the depressing nature of Earth 2016 was just getting tedious by now, even he has to admit that at this point! The twist from this season that really got me was the Anthony Weiner sex scandal, it was barely funny when it first happened. Yeah we get it, his name is Weiner - bit of a goofy bit of comic relief - but to be honest it's just getting really overdone and hacky now. Same old, same old. Just watching this season you keep hoping he'll bless you with a redemption arc, but no. He dangles the carrot and doth taketh away.”
According to sources, work on the 2017 season of ‘Earth’ is already underway with preliminary casting having already been completed. Now the world waits to see what 2017’s series has in store. Many fans have expressed excitement that Whedon, who was the creative force responsible for the childhood gem ‘Toy Story’, will make the next series more light-hearted in nature. As film and TV critic Mark Kermode complained on his radio show last week: “Please, please give us a fucking break already.”
Watch this space.