Ever wondered who’s running Salvator this year? Well, wonder no more; we sent the Salvator team to find out…
Editor: Bobby Innes
Bobby ‘The Scoop’ Innes clawed his way up from the lowly ranks of Assistant Editor, a job he got because he felt like it one day. Now he’s at the top, he’s determined to break the story that will put him amongst the greats (J. Jackerson Jamesington Sr., Kenny ‘Paperboy’ Whitman, M.C. ‘Stop The Press’ Hammerthyme) and he’ll tear the town apart just to do it. The Salvator staff know him to be “a real tough talker”. This is mostly because everything he says is incoherent 1930s slang he saw in an old film about reporters. His favourite hobbies include getting the dirt, eating cigarettes, and slamming furniture to make news happen faster.
“A quote that sums up my approach to journalism? Let’s see… actually, that looks fine, just leave it. I need a drink.”
Assistant Editor: Amy Callaghan
A child prodigy, Amy graduated journalism school aged just 10, skipping many grades and all basic numeracy lessons. Based on her “countless” (3) qualifications and the sheer amount of pens in her hair, some say Amy is the real brains of the operation, pulling the strings from behind the scenes. Others say “No I’m definitely the Editor, Amy please tell them I’m the Editor.”
In addition, she is also the resident astrologer, having once gone undercover for a report on undercover astrologists. As such, she now knows each of their innermost fears, a power she thankfully never abuses. Unless you’re a Leo.
Film: Gabriel Robinson
Gabe ‘Gabriel’ Robinson was born in a Paris cinema and raised by ushers, until at age five he was adopted by a wealthy auteur director. Having grown up so close to film, he insists he does not ‘review’ movies; he gets to know them. Their hopes. Their fears. Some days him and movies see eye to eye on everything. Other days he’s mad at movies, only to later realise he was actually mad at himself the whole time…
It’s a bit too much to be honest, so we try to keep his column a monthly thing.
Fashion & Culture: Sophia Anderson
Only the brave get to work with this caffeine-loving, intern-hating, unidentifiable-European-accent-having fashionista. And for the first 20 years all you’ll be doing is grabbing her 7:00am Stàrbücks order and cancelling her appointments with old men in suits who take stock prices way too seriously. Maybe after that she’ll decide to pay you in money instead of just throwing designer scarves at you. Who knows, she might even make you junior assistant assistant. It depends. Can you tell a Gucci from a Prada? Do you know which colour is currently the new black? Ha. Trick questions, fool. Only she knows. Let Szôfïà handle the fashion writing around here and get back to the morning coffee-run, you tasteless chump.
Sports: Christoph von Münchow
Christoph von Münchow loves sports. All kinds of sports, to be clear. Ball sports, field sports, running sports—you name a sport, he’s a fan of it. And who could blame him? Picture this: two teams, one objective, and specified time limit. Now there’s something that everyone can get behind, especially Christoph.
The only person who likes sports more than Christoph is his father, whose approval Christoph is still trying to win.
“Writing isn’t a real man’s hobby,” his dad tells him.
“Maybe sports writing can be,” Christoph insists.
“Hush,” he responds. “The game’s on.”
Weather: Taye Cozine
Scottish weather is unpredictable to everyone. Except Taye Cozine. Well known as the town’s most accurate meteorologist, Taye owes it all to a lifetime of living outdoors; she’s never even once stepped foot inside a building, spending her nights sleeping under four umbrellas somewhere on the Old Course. In fact, she is so at one with nature, she can predict weather years into the future. In her latest book, she even claims that after just a few decades we’ll have a whole new type of weather which, as a result of global warming, is gonna “really suck; like triple-snow-plus-lightning-storm bad. BUCKLE THE EFF UP.”