FS CANCELLED: METEOROLOGICAL MISHAP OR STORMY SABOTAGE?
In a shock announcement, the FS Committee have announced that this year’s Charity Fashion Show has been cancelled due to the unprecedented bad weather. Following bouts of heavy snow across Fife yesterday and strong winds today, the decision was reached in order to ensure the safety of all FS guests. The committee have been criticised in light of this for only making the announcement a mere hour before the event was due to take place, and for having no back up venue in place.
Rumours have been circulating that the unprecedented bad weather was caused by another rival St Andrews fashion show: LABEL. Some accusations from the FS team suggest that the storm may be a curse invoked by the LABEL committee in order to sabotage the conventional beauty standards and elitism of the fashion industry.
LABEL, which promotes body positivity, diversity and is dedicated to creating a platform for all people to show different kinds of beauty, has long stood in opposition to the ideals promoted by other St Andrews fashion shows, such as Dont Walk and FS, who have previously been criticised for their lack of diverse models.
Suspicions arose that LABEL may have been involved in evoking the bad weather, when the committee were witnessed holding a séance on East Sands, chanting to the mighty sea god Poseidon to help harness the power of the elements to “fuck the hell up” FS’s marquee, and ultimately, destroy their display of decadence and Tatler-fuelled twattery. Suspicions were confirmed when the howling wind was heard to say “FUCK YOU AND YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS” over Lower College lawn and giving two fingers to the FS committee.
Stay tuned for updates.