FS UPDATE: "YEAH, THAT WAS US" CONFIRM OMNIPOTENT GODS OF THE NATURAL FORCES
After the cancellation of FS due to extreme weather conditions, The Salvator reached out to the Gods of Heaven and Earth, Masters of the Sea and Sky, Overseers of the Nine Hells and Lords of all they survey, who had been deemed collectively responsible for the show’s cancellation.
“Yeah it was all us”, they confirmed in a soul shattering boom as each of the all-powerful celestial beings. “Sorry about that, we just got a bit over-excited. With all the shit that has happened so far, what Brexit, Trump being President, etc. we thought we’d better start planning for an earth shattering show come judgement day. It’s just unfortunate FS’ marquee received the brunt of our tempestuous efforts.”
On the other hand Gaia, better known by her street alias “Mother Nature”, expressed more contempt for the fashion industry and suggested the bad weather may have been motivated in response to the dubious ethics and elitism thereof. She had this to say:
“I’m personally just so sick of these wanky fashion shows! Every other week it’s like there’s another one and frankly we’re just bloody sick of it at this point. Label gets a pass because at least they don’t exclude everyone that isn’t super hot, but frankly Catwalk, FS and Don’t Walk can fuck off.”
Bahamut, widely regarded as big Daddy among his fellow Gods, added:
“It’s petty, we know, but as vast, immortal celestial beings transcending the barriers of space and time, I think we’re entitled to a little bit of pettiness every now and again. Unfortunately, I fear that this may be something that we can never truly stamp out. Fashion Shows in St Andrews are like Whack-A-Mole; you knock one down, another comes up out of nowhere.”
Bahamut’s ethereal colleague, Azmodius, the all-powerful devil lord of the Nine Hells, was inclined to agree:
“Five fashion shows is too many, can we all just admit that now? I mean I’m basically the devil, but even I have a fucking limit. Just go home and watch telly.”
The Salvator also reached out to the Old Gods, condemned to eternal slumber in the Lost City of R’lyeh, sadly our reporter’s boat was lost with all hands after several crew members were heard screaming in their sleep.
More to follow.