Friendship Already Destroyed By Shared House 

Just three weeks into living together former best friends for life, James and David (fake names to protect identities and egos) have discovered that they have nothing in common and hate each other.


Their once-strong friendship created by shared bottles of Tesco Everyday Value Vodka™ and being the closest-together people in halls, was tragically ended by paper-thin walls, mutual borrowing of milk, and the complicated class system of St. Andrews. We spoke to both boys to see who was more at fault and what would happen next.

James: I didn’t know it was possible for a human to survive solely on coffee and pot noodles, but here I am having to share the remains of a toilet with one.

David: It’s got to the stage where I can’t tell which towel on the bathroom floor is mine; is it the somewhat crusty one or the overtly crunchy one?

Third housemate who hates them both equally: It is impossible to say what’s worst about this house: the rampant mould, the family of mice that I share my bedroom with, or the terrible people that are James and David.  

In a surprising end to this interview, however, the boys agreed that they will be living together next year as, in their own words, they are too lazy to look for another house and they’re both glad to not be living with their even-more disgusting friends.

If you are also facing problems with your housemates we recommend you find someone else to bitch about them to, buy toilet roll once in a while, and, most importantly, take the bins out because you’re an adult.

Article written by Emily Sherriff