St Andrews Student Announces First Indoor Bonfire

Having grown tired of repetitive conventional bonfires, fourth year Steve Effinghaus announced today that he is planning St Andrews’ first indoor bonfire.


Citing recurring problems with the more orthodox approach of starting large fires outdoors (such as rain, wind, and inevitable darkness), Effinghaus spoke enthusiastically of trying new things. “This new approach will improve the safety of my fellow students: no longer will we be threatened by tides, lack of signal, beach-faring wolves, 4x4 trucks, snakes, lack of power sockets, sea snakes, hurricanes, and local youths circling the crowd hoping to be fed leftover alcohol. This is a new era of bonfires.”

“This will be our first academic family get-together since Raisin last year”, he continued, “so I really want to make it as comfortable and safe as possible.” Effinghaus’ friends also seem to have every confidence in him. When asked for comment, Effinghaus’ flatmate, Joe Piley-Floofingher, said “I’m sure Steve is aware of the inconveniences that hosting this bonfire in our living room will present – he studies Physics, after all – but it should be fine if we open a couple of windows. And maybe mute the smoke alarms for the neighbours.”

The inaugural indoor bonfire will take place in Effinghaus’ flat on Hope Street next Saturday. Invitations are to be sent via smoke signals at the rehearsal bonfire the day before.


Article written by Tom Groves