First Ever Crushes Page Couple Announce Pregnancy News

After an exciting month for pregnancy reveals, one St Andrews' couple is close on the heels of the youngest member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan in announcing the imminent arrival of their own little bundle of spawn.


"We're both really excited," third year Anthropology student James confirmed. "At first we thought we'd be content with starting an academic family and adopting, but then we thought why not just go for the real thing?"

In a heart-warming turn of events (and in spite of a literally infinite number of reasons not to, including but not limited to the very real threat of North Korea killing us all any day now) the happy couple have successfully proven that, despite whatever James’ friends may tell him, they do indeed have basically-functioning sexual organs.

James and Claire are believed to be the first successful relationship to come out of the ‘University of St Andrews Crushes' page, or at least as successful as two twenty year-old students preparing to care for a wholly-dependent newborn child in an economic climate in which they have no hope of ever owning a house can be.

The couple's union began with an anonymous submission James sent to the page, which read: "To the bitch who stole my pizza from the fridge in ABH last night - you'd better have cleaned the oven. (I'd still do you, though.)"

Claire, misty-eyed, shared this anecdote with renewed passion: "And now we have our own little bun in the oven!"

The only sign of any trouble in paradise has been a minor spat over the name of their future child.

"I really want to name it Pablo, irrespective of gender," James stated yesterday at the couple's impromptu press conference in Aikman's, "but Claire thinks we should go for something a little more traditional, like University of St Andrews Crushes 2.0."


Article written by Georgia Luckhurst