Everything Has Already Been Done

Bad news for creatives everywhere: last week, art historians confirmed that everything has already been done. It was discovered shortly after prominent Serbian artist Karen Dopopnovic tattooed the lyrics of Chumbawumba’s 'Tubthumping' on the shaft of her penis. 

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According to Sean Matthews, curator of the Tate Modern art museum and professor of art history, "that was it, that was the last thing anyone had yet to do. Following that one groundbreaking and brave piece of expression, everything else is hackneyed and derivative".

That’s right, people! You name it, someone’s already done it, and probably better than you ever could as well, so you may as well not even bother. Even this article has been done before. Probably by the Onion or someone, we didn’t make the point to look it up. In the words of Bo Burnham: “art is dead” (and he was probably ripping off George Carlin at the time).

So what does this mean for the world of entertainment in general?

“Not much” says Matthews, “basically all media will remain the same, except we’ll now be absolutely certain that no matter what you produce, it’s not original in any way. The only real concrete change is that every new film will legally be classed as a remake, according to the Trade Descriptions Act. ”

So rest assured, dear readers! Salvator will continue to produce quality, entertaining rewrites of what better satirists have already done.
 

Article written by Tom Caruth