Delusional Boyfriend Plans Ultramarathon Inspired Scavenger Hunt As ‘Romantic’ Valentine’s Surprise

In an incredibly optimistic attempt at couple bonding, third year student Jonah Ware is reportedly planning a romantic Ultramarathon inspired scavenger hunt to surprise his girlfriend of four months, Ellie Josephs. 


“She doesn’t really like running, but she loves scavenger hunts – at least, she loved making a hunt for her kids for Raisin last semester –  so I thought that a 100 mile endurance race around East Fife would be an amazing way to show her how much I care”, said Ware. “She has no idea I’m doing this, but I just know she’ll think it’s really sweet – there’s going to be a bouquet of flowers at the end of the mud-crawling bit, and I think I’m going to leave little notes on top of the scramble jumps.”

Ware’s scavenger hunt will reportedly incorporate all the “traditional stuff, like the Pier and the PH” as well as some more unusual elements, like an extended Chariots of Fire sprint along West Sands, and the “East Neuk Five”, a cryptic challenge which Ware refused to elaborate on further, instead grinning to himself and muttering something about it being Fife’s so-called ‘impossible climb’. 

The couple first met at the Vic, when Jonah asked if Ellie had ever been camping, and she sort of nodded, thinking back to her uncompleted Bronze Duke of Edinburgh Award, abandoned in 2014.  “A lot of people do point out that we’re very different people, but it hasn’t really been much of a problem in our relationship so far,” said Ellie herself, who seemed blissfully unaware of the well-intentioned but somewhat gruelling ordeal ahead. “Sure, Jonah is very outdoorsy – he’s a member of the hiking society, whereas I prefer to spend my weekends recovering from karaoke, not sleeping without a tent in the Cairngorms.” 

 Ware was last seen packing heart-shaped energy bars into the side pockets of an intimidatingly large backpack and whistling ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ quietly to himself.  

Written by Emma Sibbald