MR BLOBBY ANNOUNCED AS HEADLINE ACT FOR TRUMP’S INAUGURATION

 

That’s right. The infamous traumatiser of children is BACK. 

Donald Trump's inauguration party has already been riddled with controversy, with many high profile stars including Elton John and Moby, allegedly being asked to perform, only to publicly reject the offer. Boris Epshteyn, director of communications for the Inaugural Committee, dismissed concerns about a modest line-up in an interview on CNN in December. So far, the line-up includes former America’s Got Talent loser Jackie Evancho and other washed up celebrities looking for the worst possible way to make a comeback. However, in the last few hours it has been reported Mr Blobby contacted the office and offered to perform. Well known for his bulbous pink figure covered with yellow spots, permanent toothy grin and jiggling eyes, the President Elect is reported to be ‘delighted’ with the last minute addition to the line-up. The phenomenon of Mr Blobby, which was once described by a New York Times journalist as “a metaphor for a nation gone soft in the head”, would seem to be the perfect act to ring in a similar national dumbing down of USA on the 19th of January.

The President Elect has previously expressed distress at the number of celebrities who have refused to perform at his ceremony.

The President Elect has previously expressed distress at the number of celebrities who have refused to perform at his ceremony.

Mr Blobby rose to fame in the nineties through his appearances on Noel’s House Party which was aired on Saturday nights on the BBC. At the height of his fame, he had a huge following of nearly 17 million viewers, and even had a No. 1 hit with the rousing anthem “I’m Mr Blobby”, which topped the charts in Christmas 1993.  His character was known for clumsily wreaking havoc, pranking people, knocking over the set, and generally causing mayhem. It would thus appear Mr. Trump and Blobby share a passion for causing wanton chaos around the world. Multiple parallels have been drawn between the two, namely that both men have amassed much criticism for their actions in the past - one for spouting incessant jibberish, being an irritating embarrassment and a poor idol for future generations; the other for being a big vacuous blob with little to contribute to the progression of society. In 1994 it was reported that Blobby reduced a young girl to tears after throwing her birthday cake onto the floor during a show, causing the girl's father to mount the stage and assault Blobby. In a similar move, Trump’s election as President has reduced most of the world to tears and despair.

President Elect Trump denies allegations he grabbed a woman by the pussy, claiming he had his hands always where he could see them. 

President Elect Trump denies allegations he grabbed a woman by the pussy, claiming he had his hands always where he could see them. 

The Salvator were fortunate enough to interview retired thespian Mr Blobby, who had this to say:

“Well I decided to contact Mr Trump’s office because I’m looking for a comeback, and you know, Donald is so gullible. I told him that my extensive repertoire of acting is enough to rival the careers of Sir Ian McKellen and Dame Judi Dench...and he completely believed me! He offered me the chance to perform at his inauguration party straight away over the phone. I also offered to perform the National Anthem if Jackie Evancho pulls out, or even if Mr President decides to drop out at the last minute, I’m sure I could fulfil the presidential role to a similar if not better standard. Let me try now: I do blobbilly swear that I will execute the blobby Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, blob, and defend the Constitution of the United States. See? Already more literate than Trump.”

Godspeed, America.