The Best Places in St Andrews to Make Poopsies

Living away from home for the first time can be overwhelming, especially if you don’t know a good place where you can go make poopsies. So, this guide is for all the new students who need some hot tips on all the best spots in St Andrews to go boom boom so you don’t have to go back to wearing little diapers.

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1.      You should have a poop room in your flat

Every student flat should have at least one poop room for you to use. This means that while you’re at home you have a room to go number 2 in so you don’t have to worry about accidentally filling up your little pants with fresh poopsies. In fact, it’s fair to say that this is where the majority of your poopsies will be made over the course of your first year in St Andrews.

2.      Restaurants always have rooms for doodoo

If you are not at home then getting rid of all that doodoo you have in your stinky bowels is going to be a little harder. However, what you may not know is that the restaurants in town—like Burger or The Doll’s House—often have their very own turd chambers.

HOT TIP: There are different turd chambers for man turds and lady turds, so try not to get them mixed up.

3.      The library has them too

The library? Yes, not only does it have all the books you need for learning, it also has rooms where you can drop all of your faeces out of your butt and flush it away. Just remember that because it is a library the faeces have to be quiet.

4.      The street

Okay, it’s happened to the best of us. You’re out and about in town and suddenly you feel some pressure in the place where you make your poopsies. There’s no avoiding it, so just look around and, if you don’t see too many people, then it’s probably safe to go ahead and squeeze one out on the pavement. While this is frowned upon by some people, it is a reasonably common occurrence. If anyone looks at you disapprovingly just shout “Nature called and my little bum wasn’t ready!” and they will understand.

5.      The forest

Animals have been dropping their plops in the forest for years. All you need to do is bring a small rag or handkerchief and you’re ready to drop a hot steaming pile in the wilderness. And hey, why not also go on a nice nature walk while you’re there?

 

Article written by Joe Irvine