The committee of ‘St Andrews’ Birthday Celebration Ball’ are facing serious allegations, as attendees of Last Night’s bash are left wondering: was this really a ball?

Following reports that there were barely any queues for the bar, luxury toilets installed outside, a blues band that provided subtle, danceable music and a lack of a classic “St Andrews” mosh pit aesthetic, revelers voiced their disappointment: “You know, when you pay for a ball, you expect all the components to be there. I’d have liked to pay £6 for a Vodka Lemonade, thank you very much”, explains Tabatha Jones-Moran. The ball has been shrouded in controversy, with the apparent news that they were giving out two free gin and tonics to each attendee on the night. “I just think it’s ridiculous. They really didn’t live up to our expectations. I don’t think it could actually be considered a St Andrews Ball”.


Reports are slowly coming in that everyone got their coats upon giving their token back, resulting in a economic downturn for the St Andrews coats resale market. Billy Smith, head of the St Andrews Coats Resale Association (STCRA) confirms: “after last week’s success at Welly Ball, the stocks went up threefold. But with this happening, it looks like there’s going to be a massive dip. We’re all very worried to be honest”.