5 Top Tips for Saving Money in St. Andrews

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It’s no secret that student life is far from cheap, and we all know how pricey St Andrews can be. Between high rent, nights out, and those creatures that come out at night and steal cash from under your mattress, uni is a decidedly expensive experience! Luckily, Salvator News is here with 5 top tips to save your hard-earned pennies.

Learn to Cook

Using Stock Images with visible watermarks can save a fortune on your online satirical magazine!  

Using Stock Images with visible watermarks can save a fortune on your online satirical magazine!  

We all love the convenience of ready meals and frozen pizzas but they’re deceptively expensive. Learn to cook and it’ll save you so much money in the long run. Buy some pizza dough, some tomato puree and some cheese and make your own pizza at home: it’s much cheaper than a ready-made one and so much tastier too! By spending a little more time cooking every day, you can live for cheaper and even add a valuable life skill into the bargain!

Take advantage of Christian Lunch Bars

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You know what Christians love? Jesus. You know what else Christians love? Giving heathens like you free food in exchange for listening to their speeches. You get free sandwiches, top shelf crisps and they might even save your soul. What’s not to like?

Steal

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Life hack! What’s the best way to get items for cheap? Don’t pay for them at all, go on the rob! Steal what you need and save tons of cash!

Turn off your central heating during the day

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This one sounds super basic but you’d be very surprised how much money you can save on your energy bills if you just set the thermostat timer to only run for a few hours a day. It keeps the house warm while you’re there but doesn’t waste power when you don’t need heating.

Kill an old man. Steal his wallet. Skin him. Wear his skin. Become him. Move into his house. Blast the central heating all you want. Fall in love with his wife. Reconnect with his daughter. Finally develop a good relationship with the rest of his family. Attend his wife’s funeral. Cry powerful, guttural sobs as your world is ripped away from you. Die shortly after her, peacefully in your sleep. Be remembered fondly for the tender old man you pretended to be.

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Okay, this one’s a wee bit obvious but it’s always good to reiterate the basics.

 

Article written by Tom Caruth