Overheard At St Andrews

 In a slight departure from our regular content, here’s some funny and relatable quotes submitted from our dedicated reader, entitled ‘Overheard at St. Andrews’.

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“Mate, you were so drunk. Do you remember anything from last night?”

“I think I remember Facetiming my Dad, lol.” 

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“What time did you turn in your essay?”

“There was an essay?” 

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“Is it bad that I pick my classes based on how hot the professor is?”

“I won’t tell you again, please just take a handout and find a seat.”

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“Wait, is that guy listening to our conversation?”

“Oh my god, he is! What the hell? Dude, go away!”

“Has he been listening to our whole conversation? What a fucking creep. Let’s get out of here!”

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“Is he… Is he following us? 

“I think so.”

“What should we do?”

“I don’t know. Just keep walking, maybe we can lose him in Butts Wynd.”

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“Alright, I think we lost him. We should be safe here.”

“What was with that guy?”

“I don’t know… He had a weird look in his eyes. I’m just glad he’s gone.” 

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“HOLY SHIT! HE’S CLIMBING IN THE WINDOW!”

“OH DEAR GOD HE’S GOT A KNIFE!” 

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“TAKE THIS YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

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“Did we knock him out… Or did we kill him?”

“I don’t care, we need to call the police! Get my phone!”

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“Oh god oh god HE’S STILL ALIVE!”

“AAAGH, HE’S GOT ME! RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!”

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“POLICE! HANDS UP! DROP YOUR WEAPON!”

“HE’S COMING RIGHT FOR US! TAKE THE SHOT!”

*various loud bangs*

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“Good work, Lieutenant Johnson. That’s one less psychopath on the streets of St. Andrews.”

“Thanks. Also, did you turn in your essay last night?”

“There was an essay?”

By Nick Scandura