Candidates for DoES

Sina Dashtebozorgy

Sina is frequently seen in and around the Union wearing a Club 601 jacket and hanging out with current DoES, Chris MacRae. His ‘Vote Sina for DoES’ campaign reveals the undercurrent of exciting and creative ideas behind his campaign to lower drink prices and attract bigger acts to the Union. Sina is a Taurus and his horoscope advises him to ‘Take [his] leadership abilities to a new level’, suggesting that ‘People will naturally look to [him] for leadership and guidance, as [he] always seem to know how to keep things fun and positive. When it comes to [your] workplace, this might be a good time to ask for more responsibility - and a raise’. It appears that the stars are in his favour…

 

Taryn O’Connor

Taryn is active in various parts of St Andrews life, most notably, through her roles in the St Andrews Revue and Just So Society. She is currently directing Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a musical based on Harry Potter fanfiction in which the important issues of owl self-esteem and penis size are explored. The show is an unflinching examination of masculinity, questioning gender in a world where every owl has a cloaca. Taryn, apparently inspired by presidential candidate Charlotte Andrew, is campaigning for ‘Bigger Spaces’ to account for the heaviest third of the student body, although physically increasing the size of a recently developed building may prove more problematic than simply widening access. Taryn also promises to be there for societies, whatever that means.

 

Candidates for DoSDA

Caroline Christie

Caroline is currently Festival Director for On the Rocks. You may think that her experience of organising an entire festival would set Christie in good stead for being your DoSDA, but think again. While Caroline’s campaign characterises her as ‘Sweet Caroline’, a reporter from the Salvator was sent out to investigate. After three surreptitious licks of Caroline’s arm at various times yesterday, we can confirm that Caroline actually tastes a little bit of salt, and a little bit of Original Source Fresh Mint bodywash. Also, On the Rocks isn’t even anything to do with Geology, apparently. When will the lies stop Caroline? When will they stop?

 

RON

You will probably know Ron best from his work on Parks and Recreation and the Harry Potter franchise. He is also a language spoken in Nigeria, a cyclone from the late 90s, and the spear of King Arthur. Given his wide and varied experience Ron would make an excellent DoSDA, although he would often be out of town fulfilling his various other roles, and thus may not be the best candidate. His campaign song, ‘Da Doo Ron Ron’ by The Crystals, may be a jam, but his platform of ‘I know how much you all love campaign week, so lets have another one right after Spring Break’ may prove unpopular with users of the University Library.